


Coming Out

by Masterless



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Drunkeness, ENGLISH BREAKFAST FOR THE WIN, Pre-Canon, family love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 15:38:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13034232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Masterless/pseuds/Masterless
Summary: It was late when Felix got back to Mrs. S’s. He was more than a little high and tipsy, which wasn’t out of place, in Siobhan’s mind, for Sarah, but Felix rarely got that intoxicated, at least not on a school night. He stumbled into the house at 3 a.m., his clunky boots stamping loudly on the wooden floors. His coat was dusted with snow, his hair sticking up in all directions. He swayed by the coat rack, struggling to pull his jacket off, before finally pulling it off with a quiet cry of triumph. This is when Siobhan, sitting in the living room with a paperback in her hands, saw what he was wearing. She didn’t even know he owned pants that skinny, and she was pretty sure that the fishnet shirt he was wearing was Sarah’s. He was just about to go up stairs when Siobhan broke the silence.





	Coming Out

It was late when Felix got back to Mrs. S’s. He was more than a little high and tipsy, which wasn’t out of place, in Siobhan’s mind, for Sarah, but Felix rarely got that intoxicated, at least not on a school night. He stumbled into the house at 3 a.m., his clunky boots stamping loudly on the wooden floors. His coat was dusted with snow, his hair sticking up in all directions. He swayed by the coat rack, struggling to pull his jacket off, before finally pulling it off with a quiet cry of triumph. This is when Siobhan, sitting in the living room with a paperback in her hands, saw what he was wearing. She didn’t even know he owned pants that skinny, and she was pretty sure that the fishnet shirt he was wearing was Sarah’s. He was just about to go up stairs when Siobhan broke the silence.

“Felix,” she called.

The teen in question jumped and turned to face is foster mum. “Oh!” He smiled winningly, stumbling a bit as he tried to stand up straight. “Hello, mum.”

She smiled back at him, slightly mockingly. “Hello, Felix.”

Felix pointed vaguely up, towards his bedroom. “I’m just going to bed.”

“Are you?” Siobhan pointed to the sofa next to her, looking expectantly at her son. “Sit down, Felix.”

Hesitantly, Felix walked towards the sofa, sitting on the very edge, as if preparing himself to flee. Siobhan felt a little hurt, and wondered what she’d ever done to warrant that reaction from Felix. She knew that she and Sarah didn’t always see eye to eye, which did sometimes lead to Sarah spending the night at a friends house, but it was always Sarah’s idea. Siobhan never kicked her children out. Felix, swaying slightly still, looked at her with widely blown pupils, and she knew that he most likely wouldn’t remember this interaction in the morning.

“Where were you, Felix?” she asked softly.

“Oh, you know.” Again, Felix gestured vaguely, looking towards the front door. “Out.”

“Yes, dear, but where?”

Felix sighed and put his face into his hands. “You can’t tell.”

“I can’t tell who?”

Felix looked up with tears in his eyes. “You can’t tell Mrs. S, please, you can’t.”

It was then that Siobhan realised just how intoxicated Felix was. If he didn’t even recognise that he was talking to her, then he was so far gone she couldn’t reach him.

“I won’t tell her,” she said, getting up to sit next to him. She wrapped her arms around him and he molded himself to her side, resting a heavy head on her shoulder. “I promise I won’t.”

Felix nodded, closing his eyes. “I went to a club.”

That’s what he was worried about? A club? Sarah went to enough clubs, hell, even Siobhan went to enough clubs that she didn’t care about that.

“Mrs. S won’t care about that,” she told him, but he shook his head.

“I went to a gay club,” he muttered, slowly but surely falling asleep on her. She let him slide down so his head was resting on her lap. “I’m gay, and I went to a gay club.”

Oh. Again, Siobhan wondered what she had ever done to make him afraid of telling her that.

“Felix, I’m sure that Mrs. S wouldn’t mind that.”

But Felix, half asleep now, shook his head foggily. “She’ll mind, I know she will. Sarah will hate me and I won’t have a home, just like when I was a kid.”

“Felix, Mrs. S wouldn’t throw you out of the house for that.” 

Felix didn’t reply, and soft little snores started to rumble in his throat. Siobhan continued to stroke his hair, wondering what to do in the morning. He would wake up, not knowing that they’d had this talk, not knowing that he had come out to her, and feel like he couldn’t let part of himself show. He was her son, through and through, genetics be damned, and she didn’t want that for him.

She jumped slightly when the door bust open once more, and Sarah came stomping in. She had blood on her hands and her cheeks were flushed. She had been fighting again.

“Sarah,” Siobhan called out softly.

Sarah stopped and sighed.  _ Not this again, _ she though. Not another fight about why she’d been out so late, why she’d been fighting. She turned to face her foster mum, expecting a fight, only to see Felix passed out on her lap, wearing one of her shirts, eyeliner smeared around his eyes.

“Is he alright?” Sarah whispered.

Siobhan smiled and looked down at her little boy. Sixteen years old, all elbows and knees, not entirely grown into his big feet, but perfect.

“He’s fine,” she said.”Came home drunker than I’ve ever seen him, but fine.” She looked sadly up at her daughter. “He told me something important, and I know he won’t remember come morning.”

“Did he tell you he’s gay?” Sarah asked, coming to sit in the armchair next to the sofa.

Siobhan nodded, her hand going back to Flix’s hair. It was soft, thick with curls and product, and a little sparkly. She’d be finding glitter on her clothes for weeks. “He’s afraid I’ll kick him out, if I ever found out.”

“Would you?” Sarah asked, a little defensively.

Siobhan looked up at her, eyebrows furrowed in a disappointed frown. “Sarah, you two are my family. Why would I ever kick either of you out?”

Sarah nodded. “Okay. What are we going to do with him?”

Siobhan sighed. “I want to put him to bed, but I don’t know if I can carry him on my own. He’s not a baby anymore, no matter what I like to think. He’s all grown up.” She felt tears prickle in her eyes. “He’s a man now.”

Sarah chuckled under her breath and put a hand over her mum’s. “He’s got a long way to go before he’s a man, mum.” She squeezed Siobhan’s hand. “He’s still a kid.”

Siobhan nodded, using the hand in Felix’s hair to rub at her eyes. “Come on, let’s get him to bed.”

Together, they managed to get Felix to his bed. Sarah pulled off his shirt, realised it looked better on him than it ever looked on her, and tossed it into his washing basket. Siobhan pulled off his boots, huffing a little as she pulled.

“Jesus, these things must hurt like a bitch to walk in,” she puffed.

Sarah looked over and frowned. “Those are my boots!” She looked back at her sleeping brother and slapped his arm lightly. “Thief.”

Siobhan laughed a little, then reached up to unbuckle Felix’s belt. “Get me his pajama pants, would you?”

Sarah reached under Felix’s bed and pulled them out, along with a grot mag. “Urg, Felix!”

Siobhan looked over and raised an eyebrow. “What?”

Sarah lifted it up, showing off the scantily clad man on the front. “I think I found his porn stash.”

Siobhan snorted and shook her head. “He’s a teenage boy, what do you expect? Just put it back and give me his pajamas.”

Sarah tossed it back under the bed and passed the clothes to her mum, shaking her head at her sleeping brother. Siobhan pulled off Felix’s skinny jeans with some difficulty and threw them after his shirt.

“How your brother even got into those is a mystery.” She pulled one of his feet through the right leg of his pajamas, and Felix frowned in his sleep, pulling his leg away. 

Sarah, only watching now, laughed. “Got a fighter, mum.”

Siobhan, pulling Felix’s leg back, frowned at her. “You know, you could help.” She managed to get Felix’s other foot through the left leg hole, and quickly, so he wouldn’t pull away or kick out, pulled them up his legs and around his waist. “There. All done.”

“What about his shirt?” Sarah asked, holding it up by one finger.

“You’re more than welcome to wrestle it on him, but something tells me that he won’t care either way when he wakes up.”

Sara smirked but agreed, and left Felix to his sleep.

 

*

 

It was like a thousand tiny people were stomping around in Felix’s head wearing Sarah’s boots. They thumped on the inside of his skull to the beat of his heart, and another hundred or so were jumping about in his stomach. He groaned to himself, pulling his duvet over his head, and blinked his eyes open. When had he gotten to bed? The last thing Felix remembers is stumbling drunkenly up to the front door, opening it, and… well, going to bed, he guessed. He pulled the blanket down when it got too stuffy, and was hit by the greasy smell of frying bacon. With a lurch, Felix was up and out of bed in a flash, rushing to the bathroom to vomit.

Down in the kitchen, Siobhan glanced up at the ceiling from her frying pan and smiled. “Sounds like he’s up.” She went back to her cooking as Sarah came up behind her and stole a piece of bread.

“You’re really going to torture him, aren’t you?” she asked with a smug grin.

“Nothing like a full fry-up to cure a hangover,” Siobhan answered innocently.

“Yeah, right.” Sarah went back to the table and sat, watching the stairs as Felix made his way blearily down. 

Felix, on his part, felt like the world hated him. His head, which was still pounding, felt heavy, and every ray of sunny sunshine was a knife directly to his eyes. He’d never been this hungover before, and he swore to himself that he’d never drink again. He knew that was a lie, but he could try. The smell of breakfast, those fatty sausages and bubbling baked beans, were hitting him like the smell of a tip full of dead fish. He sat down next to Sarah, who smirked at him and laughed a little.

“Feeling alright, Fee?” she asked.

He flinched away from her voice, holding a finger to his lips to shush his sister. Siobhan picked up the frying pan to scoop the bacon on to three plates, placing it back on the hob with a bit of a bang, and threw some bread into the bubbling fat. While they fried, she poured baked beans next to the bacon, and then pulled some potatoes and tomatoes from the oven, put there to keep them warm. She then put the fried sausages and bread onto the plates and cracked three eggs into the pan. Once they were done, she plated them up and banged the plates down onto the table.

“Eat up, Felix!” she said, rubbing the back of his head.

Felix scrunched up his face and pushed the plate away from him, going to stand. Siobhan, seeing this, put a hand on his shoulder and pushed him back into his chair.

“Oh, no you don’t.” She smiled at him as she poured him a steaming mug of tea. “You’ve got to get your strength up, school starts in an hour.”

Felix looked her, horrified. “You’re not going to make me go to school, are you?”

“It’s your own fault for going out drinking on a school night, Felix,” Sarah said. “We’re both in the shit, mate. Both got to go to school, and I seem to recall,” she said with a smirk, “that you have a chemistry test today.”

Felix groaned and put his head in his hands. “I forgot.”

Siobhan, knowing full well she wasn’t going to make Felix go to school, pushed his breakfast back to him. “Eat up, then.”

Sighing, Felix picked up his fork and stabbed a sausage, dipped it in his beans, and took a begrudging bite of it. Putting down his fork, he covered his mouth with the back of his hand, his face scrunched up again as he chewed and, finally, swallowed.

“At a boy!” Siobhan teased. “Now you just have the rest of the plate to go.”

“Just be glad she didn’t make any black pudding,” Sarah whispered loudly, taking a chunk out of her fried bread.

Felix shook his head and picked up his fork again, sighed, and dived into the rest of his breakfast. After all, Siobhan hadn’t raised no bitch. It was a good meal, greasy and heart at the same time, sweetened by the beans and the fried tomatoes, and overall delicious. Felix only wished that he hadn’t been spectacularly hungover. That way, he would have been able to enjoy the meal.

With a gesture from Siobhan, Sarah went upstairs to get ready for school, which they both knew she would skip. Felix, downing the last of his tea, smiled triumphantly at his empty plate.

“Do you want some break to mop up the sauces?” Siobhan asked.

“No, thank you,” Felix said quickly. Any more food and he might explode. “I’ll go get ready for school.”

Siobhan took his hand and stopped him from getting up. “I’m not sending you to school in this state, what kind of mother do you think I am?” When Felix sat down again, relaxing in his chair and refilling his tea cup, Siobhan reached over and stroked his hair. “Did you at east have fun last night?”

Felix smiled guiltily. “Yeah.”

“Good.” She let out a sigh. “‘What do you remember of coming home last night?”

Felix shook his head. “Not much. Getting to the door, hanging up my coat… that’s about it. Why?”

“You came home very late,” she answered. “I was worried, so I stayed up to wait for you.” Felix nodded his head. She’d done the same thing for Sarah countless times, so it was only logical that she’d do it for him, too. “We had a little talk when you got in, and you told me some stuff.”

“Stuff?” Felix asked, a sinking feeling in his stomach.

“About where you’d been.” Siobhan took a deep breath. “About why you went there.”

And it clicked in Felix’s head. He’d told her, in his drunken stupor, that he had been at a gay bar, and that he was gay. He’d told her what he hadn’t wanted her to know, and he was terrified. Tears bubbled up in his eyes.

“Oh, Felix, don’t cry,” Siobhan said, scooting her chair closer to him so that she could hug him. She pulled him close and placed a kiss on his forehead. “No, no, sweetie, don’t cry. It’s alright, everything is alright.”

He hugged her back, crying fully now, and rested his head on her shoulder. All he felt was relief now, because everything that he had thought had been wrong. Siobhan still loved him, and he was still home. He knew, deep down, that she wouldn’t have reacted badly, but he’d heard so many stories of people coming out and being thrown out of their homes. 

“I don’t know where all this came from,” Siobhan murmured to him. “I love you and Sarah very much, Felix, and nothing could change that.”

 

*

 

It had been quite a few years since that drunken night when Siobhan got a phone call from Felix one night. Her mind went immediately to Sarah and Kira, thinking that something had happened with Neolution or Dyad, or maybe there was a new threat, something even worse.

“Felix?” she asked, answering her phone. “Is everything alright? What’s going on?” She was on her feet before he had even started to answer, reaching for her gun and checking there were bullets in it. “Where are you?”

“Mum, slow down!” Felix said. “Nothing’s happening, everything’s fine! Can’t I just call you without something bad happening?”

Siobhan sighed and sat back down. “I’m sorry, Felix. How are you?”

“Lonely, what with you and Sarah in Iceland with Kira. I’ve not got my family.”

“You could have come with us, love,” Siobhan said with a laugh. She couldn’t really imagine Felix there, not bundled up in bland snow gear. “You were invited.”

“Yeah, well,” Felix said, and she could hear him moving around his flat. “Who would take care of things back here?” He was quiet for a minute. “I wouldn’t be useful up there.”

Siobhan shook her head, even though she knew he couldn’t see her. “Felix, you don’t need to be useful, you’re family.”

“Yeah, okay.” He gave a huff as he laid down on his bed. “I just wanted to call to say that I love you.”

“Oh!” Siobhan laughed. “And where is this coming from.”

“Well,” Felix started, his voice going serious. “It was this night, all those long and dreary years ago, when I came out to you. And you didn’t kick me out, so that’s a plus.”

Siobhan, with her hand over her heart, felt touched. “Of course I didn’t kick you out, Felix. You’re family.” She heard Felix sniffle a little. “And I will always love you, Felix.”

“I know. I love you, too, mum.”


End file.
